Corporate Lessons from An Engineer

So, we will be going through change
Here’s three lessons from large corporations to help you survive change….

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared,

Jumped on the rabbit… and ate it.

Moral of the story is….
To be sitting and doing nothing
you must be sitting very, very high up.

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree

Soon he was spotted by a farmer
Who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top,
but it won’t keep you there.

A little bird was flying south for the winter.

It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.

While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

HR Officers and Engineers

The First …

Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope. There were ten HR people and one engineer. Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.

Engineer vs Management

Once upon a time, a man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

What else can engineers do?

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says: “Ah, you’re an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich. You’ve had too good of a life, so now you can’t come in here.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

Women as Explained by Engineers

 

Data Sheet

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight

An engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his who said “Wow, that’s a great bike! Where’d ya get it?” “Well, the damdest thing happened” said the first student. “A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!” “Wow,” remarked his friend. “That’s great! Good move, her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog..that’s cool.”

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?” Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”